I donâ€™t have hope about the state of society regarding support of transÂ people.
On Trans Day of Remembrance 2017 I organised and spoke at Coventry Prideâ€™s event.
I delivered the following words to the attendees. Since I spent so much time crying over writing them, Iâ€™ll share them with youÂ too.
Hope is defined in the Cambridge English Dictionary as: To want something to happen or to be true, and usually have a good reason to think that itÂ might.
I am withoutÂ hope.
As a trans person, although there is so much I want to happen or be true, I canâ€™t see a good reason to think that these things will come toÂ pass.
I dream of fast access to the health care I need.
Access to supportive and knowledgeable professionals whose job it is to know everything there is to know about existing treatments and who might need them. Professionals who listen to and provide for the needs of those who come into their care.
Professionals who are there to help, no matter what your label.
I dream of access to counsellors with whom I can freely discuss my problems and the mess of feelings without the weight of a cost, or time limit aboveÂ me.
I shouldnâ€™t have to resort to privateÂ care.
What we have, is a system of gatekeeping and long waiting lists where the people in need of care often know better what they need and what is available than the professionals with the authority to prescribe them that care.
Despite the pain trans people suffer every day, we have a system which is there to stop us getting care, rather than supportÂ us.
I want this system to improve, with a struggling NHS, I donâ€™t see it happening fast enough to help many of those on the waiting lists inÂ time.
I wish we could go a few months without an awful media story or TV show that insults and degrades transÂ people.
I wish I could wake up and see a trans person presenting the news, or an kids show with boys in skirts and girls in a tie.
I wish I could see bbc news headlines of surprise that someone would attack a trans person, in this day and age, rather than it being the headlines themselves attacking transÂ people.
But being trans is still controversial, theres still money in writing about and presenting us to those in society who hate us, think weâ€™re weird and a waste ofÂ space.
I wish this would get better, but Itâ€™ll be a while before the bigots die out. Still long enough to make a few more 1000s of pounds on front-page articles, disgusting language and direct verbal attacks on morningÂ TV.
I long to see gender studies taught in schools, for being trans to be a non-issue for everyone, for gender neutral facilities and language to be expected rather than a pleasant, rare, surprise.
I long to see children exploring their surroundings without the bounding of gender, freely learning who they are without feeling wrong, outlawed or upset if they donâ€™t feel quite right about the gender theyâ€™re perceived toÂ be.
I long to read a document that says Mr, Mrs, Mx and offers free text for your gender or skips it entirely.
This is closer to reality, but still nowhere near. Theres lots of places I donâ€™t feel safe, lots of companies who just donâ€™t understand, lots of children who still feel trapped andÂ alone.
I donâ€™t haveÂ hope.
But I doÂ believe.
I believe in the power of this community to keep fighting and changing.
That we will support and protect our own.
That we will remember the friends no longer with us.
That we will remember our past and protest for a better future.
That we will educate and inspire.
That we will punch the nazis and remove the transphobes from power.
That we will complain to companies when their title and gender options are from the dark ages.
That we will write counter article after counter article until the media understand.
I believe that we will make a difference.